On Monday afternoon I’ll take a bus ride to school. I’ll walk up those stone steps to the second floor, not to class, but to Dr. Persuasion’s office. I’ll say hello, thank you for taking the time to see me. How was your weekend? I’ll gape at the long rows of books and how smart I think she is.
And then, after taking a deep breath, I’ll make my case for grad school and why she should write me a letter of recommendation.
I’m not as scared as the last time I met with her. I feel as if I have something to show for my love of rhetoric. I have a paper and class discussions and “reflections” on speeches and another paper in the works that demonstrate my commitment to learn this academic discipline. But I’m still nervous.
When she asks what my research interests are, will I go blank? Yesterday we discussed Cold War rhetoric and I was almost drooling. It’s fascinating and so rich with history and the clash between two ideologies. I’d love to study the progression of rhetoric from Winston Churchill’s “Iron Curtain” speech to Ronald Reagan’s “Tear Down This Wall.” It would be a dream come true.
But how do I sell that? Do I need to sell it? How much of myself do I allow to come out and how much of it do I package up neatly for public consumption? Questions of rhetorical history and democratic citizenship and presidential rhetoric swirl around in my head… but I worry that I’m not diverse enough for their liking. And sometimes I feel I have more to prove because of my background and deeply held beliefs. Yes, I can be tolerant and open and willing to learn and grow. I am, and I think I’ve demonstrated that in class.
But are they all just waiting to turn me down because of who I really am? I don’t think so. I hope not. But, bottom line, I am who I am. I love what I love and believe what I believe. And, if that doesn’t match up with what they want, then… I don’t know what then.
I’m glad that in the end it isn’t up to me or them.
You’re tremendously smart and poised and educated and confident and capable. But at the end of the day, passion lived out with authenticity is what separates the prepared from the successful.
If they don’t want passion, you don’t want them. If they don’t want your genuine soul as it is right now, you should thank them for the “no.”
But I believe in your good judgment – you wouldn’t have chosen this program if it didn’t want what you’ve worked hard to offer. I believe in you.